St John’s Meads, Eastbourne
Sally – St. John’s Meads, Eastbourne
Sally Scott -Ralphs says “When I first heard of and read about The Bereavement Friendly Charter which shows the various marks needed to become a Bereavement friendly church, I felt that with the way God had guided us to develop the bereavement support team, we may be able to achieve this status. I was selected by the incumbent as the lead for the bereavement support team (Mark 4) and we presented this proposal to the PCC (Parochial church council) who agreed to support our aims of becoming a bereavement friendly church.”
The bereavement support team (Mark 3) was a mix of self-selected and selected members, all of whom had God’s heart for those bereaved. I organised for each member of the team to have a DBS and safeguarding training, and we initially met fortnightly for informal training and discussion about how to go about achieving the status of a bereavement friendly church using the charter as a guide. We agreed we needed to raise the profile of the bereavement café and The Bereavement Journey® programme. (Mark 10) Raising the profile included the leader of the bereavement team attending leadership and planning meetings at church (Mark 11), and printing flyers, promoting the bereavement café and The Bereavement Journey ® programme which could be displayed in church and displayed at any event that the church was holding E.G., summer fete, remembrance service, Coffee pot, keep fit group, companionship group (Mark 9). Each member of the bereavement team attended The Bereavement Journey® themselves, which encouraged bonding as a team through sharing their own stories of bereavement. We felt that a short Q&A session from the front of church would be helpful to inform people on how to support those bereaved within our own church family (Mark 2). St John’s ordinand led this with me during one of our morning services. We based it on the Contact, Listen and Bless film from AtaLoss.
We recognised how important it was that the welcoming team and prayer ministry teams recognised that suffering was part of the grieving process and that it was OK not to be OK as a Christian (Mark 6). The AtaLoss Tips and Hints leaflets were distributed to the members of these teams with the reassurance that members of the bereavement team would be more than happy to support them. St John’s is holding a Parish memorial service (Mark 10) and the bereavement support team will be providing tea and cake after the service. There will be information about the monthly bereavement café, The Bereavement Journey ® programme and other activities happening at church. Each tea table will have a bereavement team member sitting with the bereaved guests to offer support to them. We have published this event via St Johns website and in our Parish magazine, and using the database of people who have attended The Bereavement Journey® (stored with their permission) (Mark 10) (Mark 12).
After every morning service we encourage people to take advantage of the prayer ministry team and have a time of prayer or just comfort and support (Mark 12).
I have sent information about the bereavement café and The Bereavement Journey® programme to all the churches in Eastbourne and to GP practices. I was invited to attend a multidisciplinary meeting at a local GP practice where I showed a clip from The Bereavement Journey® video. They were interested to refer patients to St Johns for bereavement support rather than arranging counselling or antidepressants.
St Johns has publicised we are committed to being a Bereavement friendly Church (hallelujah) and we are immensely proud to display our certificate and to have the logo on our website. One attendee said they had googled bereavement services in Eastbourne and St Johns came up on the search. We have a new Vicar in post, and I am very much looking forward to developing the bereavement support even further. We are hoping to include times of quiet and lament during the services and to ensure that theological messages are helpful to those bereaved (Mark 7).
A participant's journey of finding hope at St John’s….
The church was undergoing repairs and the builder Sam picked up a flyer advertising the bereavement café whilst he was working at the church. Sam’s mother had died a few months previously and he was interested in attending the café but had concerns over the religious context. The administration team were quick to advise him that the café was open to all from every walk of life and all faiths or none, everyone was welcome.
Sam came along for the first time. He was very tearful but said that he was encouraged by listening to other people's stories, realising he was not alone. He was brave enough to share his story too.
We decided to change The Bereavement Journey® time of meeting to accommodate bereaved people who went out to work during the daytime, to an evening course. Sam expressed an interest in attending along with three others.
The feedback from the course was incredibly positive with all participants deciding to stay for the optional faith session.
Every session was covered with prayer by the prayer ministry team. By running The Bereavement Journey® in my home, we were able to offer a welcome meal. This fostered an environment where all felt the love and deep care of God. Sam commented that he felt supported to the extent that he felt able to clear out the property he had shared with his mother. Sam now regularly attends church and has joined the Big Church Read course held at church.